I received an email from the President of my University today congratulating me for being named for their President's List for last semester. I received a 4.0 for all three classes. So many emotions arose in me as I proudly read the email to my husband. When I finally got through it he asked me to explain to him why I am crying so we can talk through it. I told him that they were mostly happy tears but also tears of still sensitive scars of living a diminished life. As a woman, it is easy to forget how fucking amazing I am. To me, I am doing the things I'm supposed to do. I know I want to be successful and in order to do that I must apply myself to my education and complete my work on time. I know I want my family members to be successful in their own rights, so I know I have to lead by example and be available for support and guidance. It's just what I'm supposed to do. Do I think I am an amazing mom? No, I make mistakes. I can be lazy and not feed them for a few days, but somehow they make it (totally kidding, but if you get to this point reply banana in my next fb post). Anyway, I see my faults and somehow let them outweigh the achievements. So when my achievements are rewarded, I think, "surely this is something that many of the students are doing. I was just following the syllabus," and I diminish my achievements. But then when I read that only 102 students out of 1500 students received this honor I am reminded how fucking amazing I am.
Y'all!! I turn 40 years old this year. I have shared custody of my 2 amazing children. One of which have several medical appointments per month that I take them to. I am a cannabis supporter and am about breaking through the stigma of "dumb pot-heads". I am chasing my dreams and will probably not see a significant profit for several years, if at all. And amongst all these things that are a small part of everything that I am, I am a President's List, 4.0 student.